I landed at the Atatürk Airport in Istanbul at the same time when the coffins of the three women associated with the PKK, slain in Paris the other week were flown in. It took a while to leave the airport due to the crown. How did I feel? Saddened, more than anything else. These three young women were coming back to be buried under their homeland the surface of which they could not peacefully share with their compatriots. Why is somebody’s envisaged paradise is some others’ hell?

We now better that the solution of the so called ‘Kurdish problem’ which is actually a matter of unequal citizenship, authoritarian centralism and restricted rights and freedoms unfit to a full-fledged democracy rests on mending the differential treatment of citizens, ethnicities, faith and cultural groups. So before establishing the rule of “equality before the law” no disagreement may be resolved.

Kurds are resentful and disappointed for the discriminatory treatment they have faced in the country they defended throughout history and the state they built with equal sacrifices with the Turks. Their protest against this unjust system was brutally suppressed. Decades later a group Kurds encouraged by the global trend of democratization answered the Turkish state with the same instrument, violence.

In time violence started to destroy the social fabric to the point emotional distancing of Turks and Kurds, posing a serious threat to national unity. So the need to redefine nationhood and citizen rights imposed itself as a priority. The new constitution to be made is a good and timely opportunity for realizing belated reforms and to build an egalitarian system where no citizen group is either rewarded or discriminated against for what they are.

There are other reasons that necessitate a solution:

1-The price paid by the whole society had become too expensive.. The majority, Turk and Kurd, want a settlement. 2- The militarist ruling cadre has been removed from power to allow a civilian option. 3- Turkey’s wish to become a regional leader and global actor cannot be accomplished with such an energy loss internally generated. 4- The ‘Kurdish problem’ has grown into the ‘Kurdistan reality’ outside Turkey. Failure to solve the problem within may lead to the expansion of ‘Kurdistan’ built outside into Turkish soil.

All this said the hopes that have been raised for a negotiated settlement require a new language: an inclusive, non-belligerent and respectful language that will make the opponent feel like a future partner. This is not easy. It requires a paradigm shift that will transform the present conflict into a democratization opportunity. Let me explain what I mean with an anecdote:

“A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything, most of all happiness. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and went to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents an d she said, "When we were to be married, I made a wow never to argue when I got angry at you. Instead I decided to make a doll.” The little old man was so moved. Only two precious dolls were in the box. He almost burst with happiness in appreciation of all those years of living and loving. “Honey”, he said, “that explains the dolls, but what about all that money? “Oh”, said his wife, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

The moral of the story: Everyone gains from peace!